Nightmares and Cancer
by Heartbroken Angst
Summary: Axel wakes up with his usual sickness from the nightmares of memories. His cancer cannot be explained be medcial reasons. When he finally finds his happiness whats the price? AkuRoku[AxelxRoxas] yaoi[boyxboy] don't like, don't read


_Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom Hearts there would be sexy beach make-out scenes. But alas, I don't own anything especially Kingdom Hearts._

A/N: This is my first typed and published work sorry for any errors. Now, without any further ado I give to you…

Nightmares and Cancer 

The red head gagged again on but this time on his own fluids. He coughed then vomited again into the contaminated toilet once again, this time a small amount of blood came out as well. He wiped his chin with the back of his hand then spat into foul smelling bowl before flushing the sickness away. This was the third time this week that the Axel had woken up nauseous from crying in his sleep. He dreamed about one thing and on thing only.

All he could think about was spiky blonde hair on a head of a slender figure with feminine features. All that took up his mind was a childish and somewhat girly face with a wide grin smiling up at him. All he could smell was the sweet smell of sugar and sweat. All he could remember was a younger boy playing with his long, red mane, a boy holding his hand dragging him to an icecream truck ordering a sea salt icecream, a giggle that rang out making himself smile, half lidded eyes and slightly parted lips leaning in for a kiss. All he could see were brilliant, beautiful blue eyes.

He walked into his bedroom, which wasn't far away in the small apartment. Dragging his feet to his bed then falling on top of it. It faintly gave away under his weight. True he was skinny, but his height made up for it and the mattress was old and threadbare. The bed in general was cheap but it had held up for many years in the past and Axel saw no reason to get a new one, even if he could afford it. He reached onto his nightstand for his pack of his cigarettes. Axel stuck one into the corner of his mouth then grabbed his lighter and expertly push and press the small gadgets to the side of it causing a flame to flick to life. He brought the tiny fire to the end of the thin stick only slightly poking into his mouth. He gently sucked on the lower tip of the cigarette before exhaling some smoke. He repeated the process but this time taking a much longer and more powerful drags then flicked the ash on the end of the stick into an ashtray located on the same nightstand where his cigarettes and lighter were. When the red head reached the end of the cigarette he smashed the stub into the bottom of the already fill ashtray, then stuck another cigarette in his mouth and lit it up.

Axel turned his head to the nightstand to look at the alarm clock to check the time. 2:37 a.m. He sighed the stared up at the ceiling again. A tear ran down his face as memories came flooding back to him. A new one that was chased by another followed the single tear. Axel knew what was coming next so he put out his half-used cigarette and sat up. By now he was sobbing, he crammed his hands onto his face trying to rid himself of the tears that poured down his face. Once his eyes dried out his looked at his hands and started to bite at his nails. He remembered how a blue-eyed boy liked to paint his nails; he'd paint them black, red, or sometimes green. He remembered how green was the boy's favorite color, as Alex's had been a certain shade of blue. He remembered the boy's body being right up next to him and gripping his shirt as they watched a scary movie. He remembered lots of things, even if they were just little moments. Any moment that was spent with that one boy was precious. More precious then any amount money or any jewel or gem.

The pyro manic sniffed and lay back on his bed. He couldn't live without that boy. Those blue eyes meant too much to him. The spiky blonde hair, the smell, the energy, all of _that_ boy, any of it wouldn't be his again. Those slender fingers would never run though his red hair. His skin would never shiver from that touch anymore. His nails would never change colors depending on the mood of another. That laugh wouldn't ring in his ears like a sweet bell. His heart had been ripped from his chest.

He turned and fell back into a fitful sleep dreaming of blue eyes and sea salt icecream.

"Axel?" A boy called out, "Axel that you?"

A small figure stepped out of the darkness and ran into the arms of the red head. The blonde stood on his tip toes, trying to reach the ear of the much taller one, and receiving help by him leaning down.

He cooed, "Wake up, Axel. Time to get up."

"Please, no. Let me sleep. Let me be with you." Axel pleaded.

The small one kissed his cheek, "No, get up. Wake up, love, wake up."

"Please…"

The red head stirred in his sleep before slightly waking up. Goose bumps crept up on his skin as he swore he felt extra weight leaning into him and hair tickling his face. He heard a sigh and felt a breath sweep across his skin. Axel felt warm skin on his own.

"Roxas?"

A translucent finger pressed against his lips. A ghost. No, a spirit. A spirit of the only thing that mattered as pressed against Axel's side. The boy whispered, "I'm sorry I only have a minute."

Axel gapped at the sight as a tear of joy and fear slipped down his face.

The spirit of Roxas propped himself up on his elbow as looked at Axel's ashtray then said, "You're smoking more, you're gonna get cancer, ya know?"

Axel snorted, "You're my cancer."

Roxas gave him a small, sad smile just staring into Axel's eyes. Green. Green was defiantly his favorite his favorite color. Axel broke the comfortable silence by whispering, "Take me with you."

Roxas looked taken aback from the question. Then he bit his lip, Axel had always thought that habit was cute. "Axel-"

"Please. I'm gonna die sooner or later. I mean- I'll… I can't go on, Roxy. I need you. Please."

Roxas looked Axel over. It looked like he hadn't eaten in days; his hair was unkempt unlike the spiked back mane it used to be. He looked sickly pale; even his bright, fire red hair had paled a few tints. In all, he was faded. He was faded beyond reason, beyond belief even for the spirit. Roxas felt his eyes tear from the sight.

"Please, Roxas?" Axel pleaded again.

"It'll hurt."

"I don't care it can't as much as I do right now,"

"I love you, Axel."

"I love you Roxas."

Then as tears gracefully fell from their eyes their lips locked in a deep, passionate kiss. A bright, small orb of dark green light flowed from Axel's mouth into Roxas'. Roxas choked on the orb and his eyes widened.

Axel felt lightweight and hallow before a sharp, intense pain racked though his body. He saw his life flash his life before his eyes as he exploded into oblivion. He felt his brain tear and rip and his heart burst into little shards then the parts of him left set on fire. He wanted to scream out but the pain and strain was so powerful he couldn't make a noise. He floated in a land where everything thing was white and sliver swirled randomly. No one but himself was there. Axel felt himself being destroyed from the inside out. It hurt. He couldn't see. He couldn't think. He could only feel, though by now he wishes he couldn't. He often went numb before from… from his cancer. His cancer, Roxas. But because of his cancer he knew this would be worth it in the end.

And then right as Roxas' image came back; he woke up sitting straight. Axel's face was soaked from tears and he was screaming a scream no horror movie could match. He screamed and sobbed until he ran out of till he was totally out of breath and even more so afterward.

_No, no. Roxas. Roxas. _Axel thought as he cried. _Where are you Roxas? I thought… Roxas?_

"ROXAS!" he screamed lengthy and vigorous.

From the strain of breath and dire condition of his lungs he began coughing. He coughed running out of air but his time he had no control, he wasn't screaming or crying though tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. He couldn't tame the smoldering action. He was dying… again. When he finished he felt his surroundings darken and his consciousness slip. "Roxas," Axel whispered one more time before passing out.

He swore he was dreaming again. Big, bright blue eyes shone on the face of a somewhat girly face plastered with a huge childish grin right in front of his face. He swore he was crazy by now, maybe his whole life was just a dream, just a long nightmare playing in his mind's eye, just a case of cancer with side effects of delusions.

Their surroundings were blinding white before it faded into his apartment. But it was newer; it wasn't dark or destroyed. It looked like what it used to when Roxas lived with him, before the accident.

7 MONTHES EARILER 

"I love you! I'll miss you so much!" The red head gave the much smaller blonde a bone-crushing bear hug and continuously kissed his face.

"Chill. I'm only going to be gone for a week. I'll be home soon and I'll call you everyday." Roxas said, trying to comfort Axel who was suffering from separation anxiety before he even left, but as soon as the plane would take off Roxas knew he'd miss Axel.

"I'm gonna miss you like crazy! Can't your sister wait a week or two?" Axel was begging him to stay just like he always did when Roxas went to visit his sister who lived on Destiny Islands.

"I'm going to miss you too. Don't worry nothing will happen."

"Promise?"

"Promise!"

"… Okay." Axel kissed Roxas one more time with the most loving and tender kiss he could manage. "I love you."

Roxas smiled up at him his famous heart-melting smile before answering, "I love you more!" Before Axel could reply he skipped off to board the plane. Axel watched him until he disappeared into the plane, waving and smiling when the boy looked back at him just like he always did before actually getting onto the plane.

_FIVE DAYS LATER_

Two days till Roxas came back home. Axel couldn't stand it. The blue-eyed beauty had called earlier that day they talk for about two hours about random happening. The time was 9:53 p.m. when the phone rang.

"Hello?" Axel said into the phone sounding hopeful that maybe his boyfriend had called him back.

"Mister Hirokoshi? This is the apartment of Destiny Island police. We have information regarding Mister Roxas Urahara whom was staying with his sister on the islands." A gruff manly voice said on the other line.

"Oh my god. Oh my god." Axel got the worst feeling in his stomach as horrible thoughts run though his head.

"Sir are you there?"

"Yes. Please don't tell me he's hurt."

"Mr. Hirokoshi I'm sorry to inform you," there was a sigh before the man continued, "He's died."

"What?" Axel choked out.

PRESENT 

"Where are we?" Axel asked.

"In forever." Roxas simply replied.

Axel laughed. The action felt alien to him now. He hadn't even smiled since the moment he and Roxas spent two hours running up the phone bill. Axel kissed him. It felt so real, like it felt when they kissed all the times before. He suddenly felt full of life and radiant though he was the complete opposite. They both were dead now friends and who cared would cry and grieve but eventually move on. They'd find his body as lifeless as he had been before. They'd find all his scars and blemishes. All of him except his spirit.

And they'd all know he died from his nightmares and cancer.

A/N: Thank you for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it. (I think I may have dragged it out a little more then most would like.) Bashing is welcome (I need some criticism TT). Peace out!!

-Heartbroken Angst 3 (Tori)


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